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I thought I had a boyfriend, but I was wrong....


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#1 lovedbytgm

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Posted 24 February 2012 - 07:37 PM

First off let me say I hope I don't unintentionally insult anyone as that is not my intention. I am just looking for some insight and trying to gather my thoughts.

I had known him through online games and everyone pertty much knew him as a he. I spoke with him on Vent/Mumble and he sounded like a he. He explained to me he had Klinefelter's Syndrome, but when I had gotten a random voicemail/pocket dial....well he sounded like a she. He passed it off as being part of the Klinefelter's. I really had a sneaking suspicion that he was really a she. I knew him for about a year online before he confessed his feelings for me. It's almost been a year that we are together, only online. But he is from Canada & I am from the states. He is going to school so we haven't met up yet. We were planning on it "soon"...though I think he was just saying that.


Through facebook I found his sister/mothers pages and was able to determine that my suspicions were correct & I confronted him. I cried. I am not mad though. I can only imagine how hard it is to be accepted and to go through things. Though at the same time I don't know what I want to do. He indicates he wants to go through with the transgender surgery, but hasnt done so yet. Any advise, insight, thoughts would be greatly appreciated. I really do have a strong connection with this person and thought they were "the one". They thought I would stop talking to them, but I informed them I still love them and will always talk to them. I just dont know if I want to continue our relationship as friends only or keep them where they were.

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#2 Christian_transman

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Posted 24 February 2012 - 07:49 PM

One of the first things I did, before I transitioned from female to male, was to go online as a guy, mostly in game rooms. If your friend is really trans and plans on transitioning, then what do you have to lose really? How far apart are you, btw? And how old are you both? My fiance' knew me from before, and we became good friends "before" - then things evolved into a relationship over time. I had feelings for her (when I was seen as female), but I didn't tell her for fear of her running far far away. Then one night I finally caved and told her that I felt I was male and that I wanted to transition - so she researched the subject, and she's been with me, by my side every single step of the way. I don't know if I would've survived without her love and support.
I guess you have to decide how strong YOU are and if you can stand by someone that you think (or know) you care about, through transition from one gender to another. It's a huge decision for sure. Only you know.
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#3 lovedbytgm

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Posted 24 February 2012 - 08:04 PM

I am 32 and he is 24. We were friends before we became bf/gf. It has been an online relationship though. Well texts and phone calls and we played online games together. We are very far apart, probably about 14 hrs or so, but he had intended to go to grad school in the states.

#4 lovedbytgm

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Posted 25 February 2012 - 06:21 PM

Most of my friends say they are supportive of whatever I decide. There are a few that say that he's a liar and I should say my goodbyes. To me though I think it is probably one of the hardest things for someone to be honest about. So I can't say that I am mad about it.

#5 Christian_transman

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 12:47 AM

I wouldn't say that he's a liar - it IS very difficult to be pre-op and tell someone that you're wanting and needing to transition from one gender to another.
Why not give him a chance? My fiance' took a big chance with me, and we are still very much in love and will be getting married soon. It wasn't always easy, especially for her, but she stood by me and she is definitely my soul mate.
Only you know what you can handle - I'd say to just take it slow and easy and see how things go, etc. Just don't write him off, though, that's my best advice.

#6 lovedbytgm

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Posted 26 February 2012 - 03:07 PM

What I've read though is a lot of ftm's dont get the genital surgery and from what I understand the surgeries out there for ftm are a lot less advanced then the mtf ones. I've never been with a female sexually and while i see nothing against it...it just isnt my cup of tea. I think sadly enough this might be the only deal breaker.

By the way thank you so much for giving me insight. I kinda wish there were more places to get point of views from women who are partners to ftm people.

#7 Christian_transman

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Posted 27 February 2012 - 10:46 PM

Just because a transman doesn't have bottom surgery done doesn't mean that he can't perform sexually as a man in bed. There are many creative ways for us guys to perform in bed, so if that's the deal-breaker, that's the sad part. My point is that you wouldn't be "with a female sexually" if you date a transman.
There is so much more to being in love and being intimate than body parts also.
Just something to consider.




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